View source

Tater's gator

[[File:Gator.jpg]]


Not gettin him a alligator changed Tater for life.

When Tater was a 7 year old boy, he went down to Florida to visit his gramps. Now, gramps was really somethin. He had him a boat with a motor on it, and guns and a ridin mower, and he didn't see nothin wrong with lettin the young uns use em all when he was settin back on the porch. Tater loved ol gramps, on account of there weren't no difference between Tater and any of gramps' friends. You want to shoot? Go ahead. You want to take the boat out there on the ocean? Get in there and start the motor. You want to play ridin mower tag with the neighbor boys? What's stoppin you? Tater's pretty sure that if gramps had been a drinkin man, he'd a passed Tater that jug.

Tater's lucky to be alive.

Anyways, after a month of that, it was time to send Tater back to the holler. Day before he got to go, gramps says to lil Tater "Boy, I'm gonna buy you a allygator." There was a little store on the road gramps drove in to town to get his supplies said "Beer -- Bate -- Gators" and Tater knew they was gonna stop there on the way to the train station. The next day after church, packed Tater's bag and got in the car, and tell you what, lil Tater was about as excited as a boy could be. Gramps had told him weren't gonna be no full size gator, just a baby one in a box, but to lil Tater, that weren't no problem at all. He could shrink hisself down in his head so's he was small enough to get in the box with that gator, and tell you what, that gator was the biggest meanest gator anyone ever see.

The come around the bend and Tater saw the sign "Beer -- Bate -- Gators" and he like to pee his britches. But then the world fell on lil Tater with a gut bustin WHUMP. They was a sign next to that one said CLOSED. Well, sir, Tater bust into tears. He never wanted nothin so much in his life as he wanted that huge man eatin gator. He begged gramps "Grampy, make em open up! They got Tater's gator! Tater's gator's in there! Tater AIN'T LEAVIN without his GATOR!"

That moment turned Tater from a man to a cryin lil baby. Tater had been shootin, fishin in the ocean, ridin that mower like he was a growed man for a whole month and he'd come to like it, come to expect it. But he was just a little boy set free. Didn't know how to deal with the facts of life. Far as Tater was concerned, life gives you lemons, you load up that rifle and chase that rascal on your ridin mower.

Went back to the holler with his eyes as red and puffy as a clown's nose, and he still teared up couple times a day, but after a spell Tater got over it. Took about a week or so. But his way of lookin at the world changed. Never did get all excited imaginin what was gonna happen again. Now, it weren't cynicism. Tater ain't no cynic. Just ain't built that way. But he learned ain't no good gettin all excited over what might happen, on account of the "might" part. Ain't nothin for certain, and that's a fact.

Now, about a month later, after Tater was back in the holler and settled down, a box come in the mail. Airmail box from Florida. A box with holes in it. Breathin holes.

Tater sucked in his breath, but he caught hisself, and calmly, with all the deliberation a boy could muster, drew his scoutin knife out his pocket and unfolded it. Cut through that tape holdin the box closed, and drew up that lid. There, restin on a pillow of excelsior was a gator. A cute little baby gator. Well, it was a pretty big baby gator. With sharp teeth could rip your flesh. Look at that mouth openin up! That there is a GATOR! A huge MAN EATIN gator gonna SWALLER YOU WHOLE!!! It was the BIGGEST gator Tater ever seed!

So Tater and his pa built them a terrarium, that's an aquarium don't need much water, put that gator in there. Set it up on the back of lil Tater's desk, and Tater watched that gator day and night. Fed it chunks of hamburger meat, and it swallowed them like they was Tater's lil sister.

Wasn't more than a week passed before Tater's buddy Jimbo come on over to see Tater's gator. Now, Jimbo wasn't the firmest tater in the sack, and when he want to give that gator some meat, he just covered up his finger with hamburger and stuck it in the gator's face. You know what happened next. That gator grabbed Jimbo's meat finger and commenced to shakin it, like a gator gotta. Jimbo, he jumped back and he commenced to flappin and a screamin, and that gator flied off Jimbo's finger and smash against the wall.

Tater rushed over to see if he was hurt. He looked shocked, and his eyes wasn't focusin right. The gator, not Jimbo. Meanwhile, Jimbo's screamin bloody murder, and he's lookin at his finger, got some blood comin out, and all ground up like it was hamburger. Well, it was just hamburger. Had a little bitty puncture from the gator, and he was bleedin over some of that hamburger still stuck to his finger. Jimbo run home to his ma, and Tater never seed him again till he was a growed man. Good riddance! He busted up Tater's gator!

Well, it wasn't more'n a day that gator up and died. Tater buried him out back in the box he come in, so he could get some air up in heaven. But that there sealed Tater's lesson learned down in Florida. Don't pay to anticipate. You get all worked up over what might gonna be, and if it don't happen you'll be the worse for it. Better you never get excited at all. Then when good things happen, you're happy out of the blue, and ain't that a joy? That's the way Tater looks at it anyhow.

And Tater learned him another valuable lesson that summer:

Life don't owe you no gators. And if life sends you a gator, don't let no halfwit try and feed it.