AllahJehovah
From TaterPedia
(Created page with 'The Death of Allah Jehovah Ábbás The world has now suffered a horrible loss with the death of dear Allah Jehovah Abbas. His outspoken atheist views were well known in the land…') |
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The world has now suffered a horrible loss | The world has now suffered a horrible loss | ||
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with the death of dear Allah Jehovah Abbas. | with the death of dear Allah Jehovah Abbas. | ||
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His outspoken atheist views were well known | His outspoken atheist views were well known | ||
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in the lands of the West, and his Mid Eastern home. | in the lands of the West, and his Mid Eastern home. | ||
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His speeches drew curses from Hindus and Jews, | His speeches drew curses from Hindus and Jews, | ||
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and the Pope waxed indignant because of his views. | and the Pope waxed indignant because of his views. | ||
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But the Muslims of Pakistan, they were the ones | But the Muslims of Pakistan, they were the ones | ||
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with the drooling fanatics, with their bombs, knives and guns. | with the drooling fanatics, with their bombs, knives and guns. | ||
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So when Allah Jehovah walked up on the stage, | So when Allah Jehovah walked up on the stage, | ||
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in the back of the crowd, nearly boiling with rage, | in the back of the crowd, nearly boiling with rage, | ||
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were the bearded jihadis, young Pakis with dreams | were the bearded jihadis, young Pakis with dreams | ||
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of the dozens of virgins by heavens blue streams. | of the dozens of virgins by heavens blue streams. | ||
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So they watched and they waited while Allah spoke out, | So they watched and they waited while Allah spoke out, | ||
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with a voice so compelling that it left not a doubt, | with a voice so compelling that it left not a doubt, | ||
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that the world that we see was not made by a god -- | that the world that we see was not made by a god -- | ||
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there's no jinns and no angels, no cause for jihad. | there's no jinns and no angels, no cause for jihad. | ||
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And the sullen young men saw the light, one by one, | And the sullen young men saw the light, one by one, | ||
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so they unstrapped their bombs and unloaded their guns, | so they unstrapped their bombs and unloaded their guns, | ||
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and ran weeping and sobbing to the foot of the stage, | and ran weeping and sobbing to the foot of the stage, | ||
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asking Allah Jehovah to forgive them their rage. | asking Allah Jehovah to forgive them their rage. | ||
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And Allah Jehovah did warmly embrace | And Allah Jehovah did warmly embrace | ||
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The repentant jihaddis with a smile on his face | The repentant jihaddis with a smile on his face | ||
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And he said to them “You are forgiven, my sons, | And he said to them “You are forgiven, my sons, | ||
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as you gave up your bombs and your knives and your guns.” | as you gave up your bombs and your knives and your guns.” | ||
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Well, the crowd stood and cheered, there were hugs all around | Well, the crowd stood and cheered, there were hugs all around | ||
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but the joy was short lived, as a horrible sound -- | but the joy was short lived, as a horrible sound -- | ||
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like a bubbling and slurping, and an ungodly smell | like a bubbling and slurping, and an ungodly smell | ||
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seemed to rise from below, as if coming from hell! | seemed to rise from below, as if coming from hell! | ||
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Then the ground shook and cracked, a red flow was released | Then the ground shook and cracked, a red flow was released | ||
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of tomato and meatball and hot bacon grease, | of tomato and meatball and hot bacon grease, | ||
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and when noodley tentacles finally appeared | and when noodley tentacles finally appeared | ||
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the audience gasped – it was just as they feared! | the audience gasped – it was just as they feared! | ||
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A monster of noodles and red sauce and meat | A monster of noodles and red sauce and meat | ||
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had assembled itself, with the crowd at its “feet”. | had assembled itself, with the crowd at its “feet”. | ||
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And it's noodly appendage grabbed Allah Abbas: | And it's noodly appendage grabbed Allah Abbas: | ||
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it crushed him and shook him till his life spark was lost. | it crushed him and shook him till his life spark was lost. | ||
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And as quick as it came, it retuned to the earth | And as quick as it came, it retuned to the earth | ||
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leaving naught but a stench to attest to its birth. | leaving naught but a stench to attest to its birth. | ||
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So the bright light of Allah Jehovah Abbas | So the bright light of Allah Jehovah Abbas | ||
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was rudely extinguished, and we mourn now his loss. | was rudely extinguished, and we mourn now his loss. | ||
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There's a moral, my children, now, what have we learned? | There's a moral, my children, now, what have we learned? | ||
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That no matter your station or position you've earned, | That no matter your station or position you've earned, | ||
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or the fame you've acquired or the money you made, | or the fame you've acquired or the money you made, | ||
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blaspheme against pasta, you'll not live out the day. | blaspheme against pasta, you'll not live out the day. |