Genesis 2
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(Created page with 'Genesis 2 by Tater Gumfries on Saturday, September 4, 2010 at 12:25pm · 1: So then that was done. Got Heaven, Earth, and things fillin' up both of 'em. 2: …') |
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Genesis 2 | Genesis 2 | ||
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- | + | :1: So then that was done. Got Heaven, Earth, and things fillin' up both of 'em. | |
+ | :2: On the seventh day God was mighty tuckered out, ya gotta keep in mind this was a 6 day work week for him. So he had himself a nap. | ||
+ | :3: God thought that napping after a long week sounded like a pretty good idea, so he decided everyone else should nap on Sunday too (keep this in mind if the wife/the county wants you to work on Sunday, cause God'll get pretty ticked if you don't nap like he says). | ||
+ | :4: So that's how he did it. Neat, huh? | ||
+ | :5: 'Cept now we had all these herbs and plants but God forgot to put in a sprinkler system to keep 'em watered. Keep in mind this was God's first shot at farming so he's bound to make mistakes. He also didn't have no farmer to take care of the plants. | ||
+ | :6: Not to worry though cause God had water shootin' up from that ground and watering those plants in no time. | ||
+ | :7: God still needed a farmer though. He thought since he had so much dirt around he might as well use some of the extra for that. In order to get it kickin' he had to blow on it first though, kinda like when you can't get those damn "quick light" coals to start at the BBQ. So he made a fella. | ||
+ | :8: So then God got his garden all set up out East. Dunno how far East but don't think it was too far (don't think God would want his garden in Jasper county, they got issues). Then he put the fella he made there. | ||
+ | :9: So then God made a bunch of plants grow that he thought looked nice or would be good eatin'. He also made a couple of special trees. One of 'em grew Life (whether God meant that stuff in the cereal isle I don't know). The other one made people know 'bout good 'n bad stuff. | ||
+ | :10: Then God got himself an irrigation system going into the garden. The water only went to four different places though, but like we said this was God's first try at farming. | ||
+ | :11: One of the riverst was called Pisson, which makes you think God didn't like this part of the garden too much. God kept all his gold there though. | ||
+ | :12: The gold kept up well 'n shiny. God also kept his onyx there in case he ever wanted to make some jewelry he could sell at the farmers market. Oh, there was bdellium there too, but who knows what that stuff is. | ||
+ | :13: Then there was another river called Gihon. That went out west. | ||
+ | :14: Ya' got a couple more rivers out there. One went East and the other went another way. Maybe I can sketch ya a map if ya need directions later. | ||
+ | :15: Then God put the the fella he made to work. | ||
+ | :16: It was a pretty sweet deal. He could chow down on whatever he wanted. | ||
+ | :17: 'Cept God called dibs on the tree of knowin' stuff. If the fella ate that then God would have to get out the buckshot and chase him off. | ||
+ | :18: So then God noticed that the fella was all alone and so he figured it couldn't hurt for him to have a lady friend. | ||
+ | :19: Before all that though, God needed help figurin' out what to call of the critter's he made. So before the fella could get to farmin' he had to name everything on the farm. God then also remembered he hadn't named the fella' and decided to call 'em Adam (think God named him after his grandpappy). | ||
+ | :20: So then Adam was all "That there's a cow, there's a bird, 'dem look like badgers." But after namin' so many critters one's voice gets tired and you can get mighty parched. Try naming every creature you see sometime and see how long it takes for you to get cotton mouth. | ||
+ | :21: So then Adam took a nap, which we know God likes. So while Adam was napping God borrowed one of Adam's ribs, and sewed him up real nice so he wouldn't bleed all over the garden. | ||
+ | :22: So from that rib God made Adam a lady friend. | ||
+ | :23: Now cause Adam was a gentleman he introduced himself nicely 'n asked her name. 'Cept she didn't have none cause she just came fresh outta Adam's chest. So Adam called her "woman" which was pretty good for a first try. | ||
+ | :24: So it's a good idea to leave your folk's place and find a nice lady to shack up with. | ||
+ | :25: Also the farmer 'n his wife were naked which makes this place like one of those hippie communes you hear about. Still, good times. | ||
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