BIOU stories
Lardknob and his trusty dog, Zingpow, signed up to go on the school field trip to WingWang Prison, which was located on a secluded island surrounded by razor sharp Death Wire.
The class was airlifted into the prison on a plane, and everyone was provided with a backpack parachute sponsored by Crayola, which would allow the children to plummet safely into the prison cafeteria to mingle with the inmates and get "scared straight".
Lardknob knew that the prisoners seldom saw anything amazing or magical in the course of their incarceration. He used a shiny pair of
scissors borrowed from his mom's Private Closet of Delights to snip giant smiley faces into all the brightly colored crayon parachutes, so
a rain of smiles would fall onto the suffering gang members, rapists and insurance defrauders instead of a pack of lame and stupid nosepickers from the local child-meat packing plant.
The looks of wonder and joy on their scruffy little scarred up faces as each smiling balloon came shrieking to earth in a hail of terror before splattering onto the concrete in a mass of pulp and teeth and agony would stay with Lardknob forever. "What a great field trip, boy" said Lardknob to Zingpow from the safety of the plane. "Let's go home for peanut butter sandwiches!"