Tales of Bob Dean #2
Bob
Dean
Bob Dean sat beneath a large, leafy tree, idly digging in his nose, when an acorn fell and cracked him soundly on his head. Stupefied, he looked up into the thick foliage overhead, and to his delight he saw a thick string of sausage links, draped among the branches.
Smacking his lips, and standing on his toes, he reached up as high as he could, but the sausages eluded his grasp. He tried boring them from their perch, but they lay coiled there, brainlessly, being composed more of peckers than of brains.
At that moment, he saw the great Master McLuhan approaching, his long white beard flowing down past his knees and his gnarled walking stick clutched in his bony fingers.
He considered saying nothing of the sausages, for fear that McLuhan would demand a share of them, but dimly recalled the lesson of the Gobstopper. "Master McLuhan," he called. "In your wisdom, help me de- tree these tree sausages!"
McLuhan adjusted his tall wizard's hat and thought a moment before speaking. "Ascend the tree," he advised at last.
Bob Dean's legs were weak and scrawny from many years of following. He climbed three feet before falling and landing roughly on his behind. "What else shall I do?" he implored.
McLuhan paused and reflected before giving his advice: "Shake the tree".
Bob Dean's arms were stringy and tired from clinging to many a coat tail, but he did his best to wrestle the tree free of its dangling porky prize, to no avail. He grew frustrated and angsty, and he noticed McLuhan's walking stick.
"Give me your stick, and I will use it to beat the sausage off."
McLuhan smiled. "Then we shall share," he said.
"No, Master," said Bob Dean, sulkily. "I will give you back your stick, but I will keep the sausages for myself."
The Master's face darkened. "Then get your own stick and your own ideas. You really are a worthless sack of shit," and he thrust his stick up into the tree, catching all the sausages in his mouth as they fell, to Bob Dean's horror.
He turned to continue his walk, almost forgetting to beat Bob Dean mercilessly. Almost.