Kern's Holler Poem Bunker
Rev. Anna Dynamite
Santa Claus Comes to the Ghetto
As I sat on my computer in the fading of the light,
I heard police sirens cutting through the cold night.
They pierced through the sounds of thick thumping bass
And the cries of stone bitches bein' put in their place.
The sirens grew closer, and louder even still
"Just another ghetto night," I said to myself, until
A booming voice rang out and hit me like a bus,
"HO HO HO, EVERYBODY! HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS!"
"You gotta' be shittin' me," I said as I stood
And ran to the window to look out upon the 'hood.
My mind was blown as I looked out the glass:
It's Santa Claus out there, freezin' off his ass!
I couldn't believe it, there he was, the Big Guy!
Rockin' a red pimp suit and lookin' mighty fly.
"Yo, bitch, what up?" he said, all up in my grill.
"Not much, Santa dude!" I said with a thrill.
All the ghetto children ran out from apartments warm
Awed by Santa Claus, ignoring the snow storm.
He gave them all gifts and posed for snapshots
With the sexy ghetto ladies and the smelly crackpots.
Santa didn't care who came to see him;
He's just trying to brighten up a place that's so grim.
The screaming and the sirens wear us all thin
But a visit from the Claus just made us all grin.
No matter how awful life can sometimes seem,
At times all you wanna do is let loose a scream.
Just remember that even the most poor of places
Ain't so bad when we're all in Santa's good graces.
Merry Christmahanukwanzaa, everyone. Merry Solstice and Happy Festivus, too!